And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize