Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I supernannyed him into submission
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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