they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Banned from zoo.
Again?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
