I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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