Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Everyone says I win the strip club
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
