a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
