I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
