On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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