Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
