I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
