look no pants
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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