That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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