at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
