I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize