he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
