She is in my trunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
