think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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