Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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