i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
