so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am naked and annoyed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
