we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
