I can't breathe out the right side of my face
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
