imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
