I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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