Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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