beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
