she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
