During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
