Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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