just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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