I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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