and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
