Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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