You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
