What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
