So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
