so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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