he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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