You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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