Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
