Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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