i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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