If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
