True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
