Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
