bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
