and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
