Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you would pick up someone in the library
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
