Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
someone owes me an orgasm
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
