You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
