she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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