he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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