I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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