My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize