Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
