my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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