it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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