i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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