turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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