I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
