Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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