I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
