batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so let's talk penis.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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