I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
