the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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