sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize